🌀Mood: uncertain, patient, honest, grounded, reflective

One thing I’m learning about recovery is that it doesn’t always come with clear answers.

Sometimes, it comes with more questions.

I had an appointment with the neurosurgeon this past week to look into the pain I’ve been feeling in my back… along with a fractured rib on the right side.

That alone was surprising.

You would think that after everything my body has already been through, I’d know what to expect by now.

But a fractured rib at this stage? I didn’t see that coming.

The pain has been pretty constant.

Sitting is the hardest – it’s where I feel it the most. It settles in the middle of my back and makes it difficult to get comfortable for any extended period of time.

Oddly enough, the one time I don’t feel it as much is when I’m walking.

So I keep walking.

Somewhere between 6,000 and 10,000 steps a day – not just because it’s part of my recovery, but because it’s also the one place I get a bit of relief.

At the appointment, they did scans.

And… they couldn’t really tell much.

No clear answers. No definitive explanation.

Just the next step: an MRI.

So now, I wait.

And I’m realizing that waiting can be its own kind of challenge.

Not knowing exactly what’s causing the pain.
Not knowing how long it will last.
Not knowing if it’s something that will resolve on its own – or something more.

It leaves you managing what’s in front of you, without the clarity you wish you had.

From what I’ve learned, rib fractures can take weeks—sometimes longer – to fully heal.

And I’m about four weeks in now.

In some ways, I expected to be further along.

But in my case, it may take a little longer.

My body is already working overtime – rebuilding my blood and immune system after the stem cell transplant. So it makes sense that something like a fractured rib might not be at the top of the priority list right now.

Which means there’s not much I can do to speed it up.

It’s time. Patience. Letting my body do what it needs to do, in the order it needs to do it.

Healing isn’t always about how much time has passed – it’s about what your body has capacity for.

Because I want to understand what’s happening.

I want a clear answer. A plan. A timeline.

But that’s not always how this works.

So for now, I’m doing what I can.

I’m walking.
I’m adjusting when I need to.
I’m paying attention to what my body is telling me.

And I’m learning—again—that not every part of this journey comes with immediate clarity.

There’s a lot of talk about strength in moments like these.

But I’m finding that sometimes, it looks less like pushing forward…

and more like learning how to wait.

I’ll share more once I have answers.

But for now, this is the part I’m in.