🌀 Mood: Anxiety, Relief, Uncertainty, Frustration

Walking into the neurosurgeon’s office again felt… weird.
Familiar, but not in a comforting way.

I thought I was done with this part.
We had already done the kyphoplasty on my T8 — the vertebra that had collapsed. It was supposed to be fixed. Handled. Resolved.

But here I was again, nervous and uneasy.

The MRI had shown a burst fracture and 60% height loss in the same vertebra that had already been treated. I couldn’t help but wonder:
Is there a hole there now?
Can this even be fixed?
What’s the next procedure going to be?

It was a lot to carry walking through those doors.

Once I got into the exam room, they sent me straight to x-rays — just like they had two weeks after my kyphoplasty.

They wanted to compare the new images to the ones taken right after the procedure. That made sense. Start with the facts. Look for change.

After the x-rays were done, my neurosurgeon came in.
He pulled up the scans, placed them side-by-side, and studied them in silence. I held my breath.

Then he looked at me and said,

“I don’t see any changes in these x-rays. They look exactly the same.”

I was surprised — and honestly, relieved.

But that relief came with another question I couldn’t ignore:
Why am I in so much pain?

He didn’t have an answer.
No new damage. No movement. No visible reason.

He wants to see me again in six weeks to take another set of x-rays and make sure everything remains stable.

So for now, we’re watching and waiting.

I walked out of that office with a strange mix of feelings.
Relieved that things didn’t look worse.
Frustrated that no one can explain what I’m feeling.
Tired of chasing symptoms that don’t have clear causes.

I wanted answers.
I got more waiting.

(Next up: Post 22 – My visit to Fred Hutch — a big week with big conversations.)