🌀Mood: Fragile. Adjusting. Honest. Rebuilding. I’m out of the hospital. And while that feels like a big step…this part of the journey is still far from easy. There’s this idea that once you come out of the valley, things start to feel normal again. That’s not really how it works. It’s more like… your body is slowly trying to find its way back. When I … Continue reading 43 – What Recovery Really Looks Like
🌀Mood: Raw. Restless. Drained. Surviving. They call this part of the process “the valley.” I knew it was coming.They prepared me for it.Days 4 through 14… the hardest stretch. But knowing about it and living it are two very different things. The valley isn’t just about feeling sick.It’s about being completely emptied out. By the time I was admitted to the hospital, my body was … Continue reading 41 – What the Valley Really Is
🌀Mood: Drained. Foggy. Fragile. Enduring. I haven’t written in a while.Around Day 5, things shifted.I ended up being admitted into the hospital because I couldn’t keep my medications down. Every time I tried to swallow pills, my stomach would cramp and I would vomit. It got to the point where it just wasn’t sustainable anymore—physically or mentally.So now everything goes through my Hickman line. It’s … Continue reading 40 – Day 5 to Day 11: The Valley
After melphalan cleared the garden, the rebuilding could begin. Two days ago, melphalan cleared the garden.Today, my own stem cells came home. It’s taken me a few days to write this. After two days of stem cell infusions, I needed the rest. Now that I have a little more energy, I want to share what Day 0 was like. Day 0 at Fred Hutch started … Continue reading 39 — Day 0: The Beginning of the Rebuild
🌀Mood: Reflection, Grief, Identity, Vulnerability, Courage Today I did something I knew was coming but still wasn’t fully ready for. I cut my hair. Not a trim. Not a new style. The kind of cut you get when chemotherapy is about to start and you know your hair won’t survive what’s coming next. Originally, the plan was to shave it completely before treatment began. But … Continue reading 37 – The Day I Met a Different Version of Myself
🌀Mood: Supported, Loved, Humbled, Comforted, Transitioning, Carried My cousin arrived on Tuesday February 17th. And with her arrival, the apartment changed. Up until then, this season had felt very focused and contained — appointments, work, quiet evenings, and a lot of internal processing. Work had been a helpful distraction, something to pour my energy into while waiting for transplant to begin. But when she walked … Continue reading 33 – The Caregiver Arrives
🌀Mood: Thorough. Evaluated. Protected. Prepared. Strengthened. Intentional. If you think a stem cell transplant is just about cancer, you would be wrong. Before they give you high-dose chemotherapy, they test everything. Heart.Lungs.Kidneys.Liver.Infectious disease panels.Chest X-rays.EKGs.Pulmonary function tests.Dental clearance.Vein checks.And yes — even a full gynecology exam. No stone goes unturned. And honestly? That’s comforting. The Body Audit This week wasn’t just about my PET scan … Continue reading 32 – No Stone Goes Unturned
🌀Mood: Focused, Brave, Grounded, Curious After everything it took to get here, I wanted just one more night in my own bed. So instead of heading to Seattle Wednesday night, I woke up at 4:00 a.m. Thursday morning, packed the last of my things, and made the early drive north to Pete Gross before traffic. When I pulled into my assigned parking spot, I discovered … Continue reading 30 – Testing Begins
🌀Mood: Chaotic, Disoriented, Determined, Tender, Held I haven’t posted in a little while — not because I didn’t want to, but because these last two weeks have tested me in ways I wasn’t prepared for. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. There were moments when I honestly didn’t know if I was going to make it to Seattle in time for my stem cell transplant. The ER… Again … Continue reading 29 – The Storm Before Seattle
🌀Mood: overloaded, preparing, frustrated, holding on I have a date. February 5th. It’s the official start of my stem cell transplant journey. And now that it’s real, everything else is flooding in. I thought setting the date would feel like crossing a finish line — or at least reaching a clear checkpoint. Instead, it feels like someone opened the floodgates. The Insurance Loop That Won’t … Continue reading 28 – I Have a Date
My Anchor Holds 